Diamond or stone?

My sisters and I have a way to describe Mom on any given day. Diamond or stone.

We like the diamond days. The days Mom might say something clever and give us a little grin. It is those days we catch a glimpse of the woman she once was. But diamond days can just as quickly turn to stone and Mom will sink into her fog where no one knows where she is or understand her when she asks a question.

It can be rather frustrating. At times Mom will try to converse. And we want to have a conversation with her, we truly do. But she seldom speaks in full sentences and her words are often not cohesive. We can't ask her to repeat herself. Either she can't remember what she said or she doesn't really know what it was she said in the first place.

So we often find ourselves conversing amongst ourselves and not including her. Someone who has never dealt with an individual with dementia may think it is rude. And perhaps it is. But it simply is not possible to include Mom in a conversation.

The other day when I arrived at the nursing home, I found Mom in the lounge watching television with a group of women. She was -- as always -- happy to see me and we walked back to her room together. However, Mom had accidentally pushed the door lock on the door to her room when she left and she was locked out.

"Just stay here a minute Mom, I'll go get a key." Yes, she could go with me, but Mom doesn't walk very fast and I just wanted to find a staff member and get a key. Ten seconds. Tops.

I turned to leave and she started to follow. "Just stay here Mom. I'll be right back."

No dawning of comprehension. Nothing. Just a determined 91 year old insistent she was going to follow me as I hunted down a key.

"Why are you leaving me? Did I do something wrong?"

"I'm not leaving you Mom. I'm getting a key."

It is so hard not to be impatient. It's so hard to do the right thing. But I took her arm and escorted her down the hall, found a staff member, turned around and walked her back to the room while she asked over and over again, "Are we going somewhere? Do I need a coat?"

Some days are like that I guess.