But there is a catch . . .

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to, he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.  -- Joseph Heller, Catch-22

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When it became obvious we could no longer care for Mom at home, the decision to place her in a nursing home did not come easily. I still have dreams where my father tells me that my sisters and I didn't do enough for Mom. It's a guilt thing, I know, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Living a nursing home had been my parents biggest fear. We all knew they did not want that. So it is easy to think, "I should have done more. I can probably do it again. Maybe I should bring her home."

But no one imagined Mom would have dementia and the care she would need. And looking back, it is easy to forget the never-ending care. It was constant and unrelenting. From the time she got up in the morning -- generally 6 a.m. -- until the time she went to bed at night, someone had to be with her or very real panic attacks would ensue. It is far, far different from taking care of a small child with separation anxiety. Trust me on that one..

So we spent a lot of time looking at homes for Mom. There were those we checked off the list immediately as not a place for Mom to live out her remaining years. There were those with waiting lists. There were those that would not return our calls to set up an appointment to visit.

In the end we are quite happy with the home we chose. The staff is friendly. It is open, airy, pleasant, there are plenty of activities, the common areas are set up to look like home and her room has a large bay window.

And it is not cheap. Few nursing homes are.

Few people realize the cold, hard reality of financing a stay in a nursing home.

If you have a lot of money (and I mean a lot of money) then there are probably few financial worries, but if you are like most of us, the concern is very real.

As my parents grew older, Dad always said he was afraid he would out-live his money. That wasn't the case for Dad as he passed away in 2011 at the age of 90. But there is a looming concern of what is going to happen to Mom when the nest-egg she and Dad scrimped and saved for is gone.

And of course there is a catch.

When we were looking for a nursing home for Mom, one of the first questions we asked was whether or not the home accepted Medicaid residents. Some do. Some don't. The home Mom is in does not. Which means when Mom's money is gone my sisters and I will have to make up the difference between her income (social security and her surviving veteran's benefits) and the actual cost of the home -- about $2000 a month. Or we can move her to a home that accepts Medicaid.The waiting lists to get in are years long.

So needless to say we are careful with Mom's remaining money. We don't begrudge Mom the best care we can afford, but there is the concern of providing for our own nest-eggs once she runs out of money, verses the concern of having to disrupt Mom's life again. It's a blurry line of where one responsibility ends and where the next begins.

The cost of a nursing home is based on the amount of care the resident needs. A point system is used and when a resident reaches a certain point level, the cost increases. Mom is about 15 points away from going up a level.

And there is another catch.

When we brought Mom to the nursing home last August we were asked if we wanted to use the pharmacy the nursing home uses. It sounded like a great idea. They would keep track of her medication needs, we would no longer have to run to the pharmacy at various times during the month and everything would be wonderful.

It is and it isn't.

Mom has supplemental prescription insurance that covers the cost of her medication -- that is, it covered the cost of her medication at the discount pharmacy we were using. The pharmacy the nursing home uses is a little more expensive. Between the premiums for prescription insurance and the cost of the medication, it's about $200 a month. It's a long way from what the medication would cost without insurance, and we are grateful for that, but it still is an expense and we are watching our nickles and dimes. So my sister talked to the nursing home about switching pharmacies -- telling them we would pick up Mom's prescriptions.

Nothing is life is that simple or cut and dried. It seems if we switch pharmacies, the pills would be dispensed in pill bottles, not the blister packs the current pharmacy uses. It would mean additional points to Mom's point tally, bringing Mom up another level of care and adding $300 to her monthly bill.

Sigh. Joseph Heller's book, Catch 22,  is one of my favorites. I never thought I'd be living it.