Thanksgiving traditions

I hope everyone had a relaxing Thanksgiving. Ours was probably one of the easiest (and most relaxing) on record. It was just King, our granddaughter and me.

It was a meal with minimal fuss. While I had thought a turkey breast would suffice for the three of us, when I mentioned my plans to King the look of disappointment on his face was readily apparent, so a couple of days before Thanksgiving I bought a small turkey. King is still "enjoying" leftovers. I suspect he is beginning to tire of turkey sandwiches, turkey with gravy, turkey with stuffing and turkey with mashed potatoes. I thought about making soup, but to be honest, no one in this family ever eats it. I may get ambitious and make a casserole but King is somewhat of a purist and enjoys his turkey straight up.

Last year King and I went to my younger sister's home for the holiday but being somewhat immobile this year we opted to stay home.

The year before last I had visions of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner -- the kind for which my mother was famous. I spent days cooking and prepping and on the big day our son dropped off the older grandchildren. No  family gathering. No memories of Thanksgiving past. Just King, a retired school administrator who is somewhat tired of teenage drama, five young women between the ages of eight and 20 and me. Sometimes I believe it is our son's goal in life to put the "dis" in front of "functional." The day was an unmitigated  disaster. Boyfriends fought with girlfriends,  significant others argued over money in front of everyone and the door slammed more times than I care to count. At the end of the day King looked at me and said, "Well, that was fun," and we decided that was our last attempt at a traditional Thanksgiving. The one bright spot in the day was I was able to sit down with one of our granddaughters and showed her how to use the sewing machine. Together we made a set of potholders for her Mom for Christmas. The reality of the day was bitter, but the good times were there as well.

It has taken me a long time to realize traditions can be a good thing, but only if everyone buys into it. When I was young Grandpa Stehouwer and his cousin, "Uncle Andy" would travel from Grand Rapids to our home in Hamilton for dinner. We had the traditional Thanksgiving meal, followed by my father's traditional Thanksgiving Day Ride on horseback around the block, followed by the family sitting in the living room around a big bowl of assorted nuts.

When we grew older Thanksgiving traditions meant traveling from wherever we lived to Mom and Dad's house and helping Mom with the meal while the men watched football and the children played outside. My sisters and I each had our assigned tasks to help with the last-minute meal preparation, but Mom -- as was her tradition -- would have spent days and days getting ready for the meal. Families grew and each of my sisters and I started our own family traditions and Mom and Dad became our guests in turn.

In years past, we had a family member who did not seem to enjoy the holiday. She would become uptight over the timing of everything, about making a mess in the kitchen (unless you have an "open concept" kitchen, that is what doors are for) and could barely wait until everyone was finished eating to start clearing the table and putting food away. It was so awful that one Thanksgiving friends and co-workers left early and talked about it for days after at work. Yes. It was that bad. But it does no good to dwell on her bad behavior and to be honest her absence is sincerely felt. I would rather have her with us, bad mood, bossy kitchen manners and all.

It is funny how stressed people get over serving what is supposed to be a relaxing meal meant for thankfulness. It is just a meal and it is simply family.

While I miss the traditions of years past, life marches on and one can dwell on what once was or be content to create something new. Our granddaughter said this year was one of the most relaxing Thanksgivings she could remember. I would have to agree. I served everything buffet-style and it was only at the last minute that I decided I should actually put the food in serving dishes rather than serve from the pans they were cooked in. I saved Mom from having to roll over in her grave.

We ate, watched football, slept and ate some more. The most prepping I did was defrosting the turkey. I liked it that way. Mom would work for days and days getting ready for the holiday. Pies, homemade cranberry relish, rolls, stuffing, two different kinds of jello salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, several different kinds of vegetables, sweet potatoes and homemade bread for Thanksgiving evening sandwiches ...Mom enjoyed all the fuss. In her mind nothing said love like an abundance of food. We all enjoyed Thanksgiving at Mom's house and the traditions it brought. But families grow and change and traditions that worked 15 years ago certainly do not work now.  And as I learned we move on and enjoy change because trying to re-create memories seldom works.

Eating, sleeping and watching football was not all that bad.