Anger management

"You musn't be angry."

I can still hear those words from my father.

It was one of his favorite lines for us when we took issue with something. It was his way of telling us to stay calm and carry on because to do otherwise was not considered "lady-like." (I believe that may be the first time in my adult life I've ever used the term "lady-like. It's not generally a part of my vocabulary).

While Mom might tell us ours would be the moral victory, Dad would tell us (in his own way)  it wasn't cool to loose your cool. Especially in public.

I know my father got angry. It was easy to tell when he was mad. His eyebrows would kind of  knit together and I swear they actually grew.

Most of the time Dad's "tells" were the only time you knew he was mad. And being the good daughter's we learned to back off. Not that he was a violent man, Dad never, ever was. But is was not expected or allowed to test his limits. It's a generational thing I guess.

There were also a few times when we witnessed his full wrath. Like the time a drunk crossed the center line and sideswiped our convertible. He chased him down the highway (at 110 mph) and when he caught up with him Dad had him pull over and told him to follow him to the sheriff's department. Dad was quite dumbfounded when the drunk took off again. He was even more angry when he drove to the county sheriff's depatment and reported the accident. Dad gave the deputy the license plate number and apparently  he felt the deputy showed a lack of concern. He was pretty hot. Weeks later when no charges were brought against the driver because -- as the prosecuting attorney put it, "You can't arrest a license plate" -- Dad was ummmm, very, very angry and the county prosecutor was forever on Dad's "Shit list."

Dad had two "shit lists." The short-term one and the forever one. I believe my sisters and I all made  it to Dad's short-term list at one time or another.

But Dad's admonitions for not getting angry were geared to help us. Because because lets face it . . . displays of anger only serve to make one look like an ass. And that type of reputation is hard to live down.

I actually witnessed a co-worker punch a computer monitor this week. Yes. He punched a computer monitor. This same gentleman has thrown pens that have bounced off equipment and pelted another co-worker in the head. He's pounded himself in the head and he's kicked wastebaskets.When we talk about this person at work it is always with a smirk. Few people mention what a good copy editor he is.

It is only now I realize how right Dad was. You mustn't get angry. And I'd like to add to it . . . It only serves to make you look stupid. . . or worse.

Mom update: Mom is walking more every day. I make an effort to drive to Holland to visit her every day. She still isn't talking, but she has won the hearts of the staff who always make it a point to tell us what a warm, caring person she is. But then we all knew that.