Getting into the unpleasant stuff

Our older sister came from Florida to visit Mom last week. While she was here we decided to go through Mom's things and divide them.

It may sound cold and hard, but the reality is Mom will be 92 in November. We know she will not live forever. It seemed easier to do it now rather than during the emotional time following a funeral.

There was another reason we decided to divide and conquer now rather than later. After Dad died we tried having Mom live alone in their apartment for a while. It was a dismal failure. My son would often stop by to visit Mom only to find her sitting in the dark. She could not handle the loss of the man she had been with for more than 65 years. So she moved in with my sister and her husband for a while and later she came to live with King and I. During this transition period all her worldly possession had to be consolidated into the basements of two homes. My basement floods regularly and my younger sister wanted to reclaim the space my mother's possessions had taken over. One can  wind ones way through boxes and boxes of "stuff" just to get to the laundry room for so long.

Mom is long past the time when she can tell us who she wants to have what, so it was left up to us to decide. And fortunately, although we may bicker occasionally, my sisters and I get along well enough that we didn't fight over possession. They are, after all, only "things."

So last weekend we went through a lifetime of fine china, sterling silver, a variety of collections and photographs. We spread them out in my younger sister's living room and spent an afternoon remembering. . . "Those were the Christmas dishes she bought in Plainwell."  "That Christmas punch bowl set was unclaimed freight that they sold at the IGA." "One of Mom's sisters gave her that egg plate as a wedding gift. She couldn't remember who it was when she told me about it." "Look at this photo album I found with pictures of Dad in the army."

It was a bittersweet day. We tried to remember Mom as she was rather than the Mom she is now. Still our Mother, but not.

Meanwhile Mom is beginning to make those tentative steps toward total oblivion to her life as it once was. This past week she slipped a little further away from reality. We observe, take note and discuss, but there is little we can do but wait to see what happens next.

We take pleasure in the simple things like taking her for rides in the country and going out for coffee where we feed her pancakes and sausage, taking pleasure in thumbing our noses at the dietary restrictions she is on at the nursing home.

Sometimes it's the simple pleasures that make it easier.